She breaks me. No, my own guilt breaks me. I try within me to reassure myself that I hurt no one else, that my actions are justified. I have come to the conclusion that perhaps no matter what path you take, eventually someone bleeds.

I search for her, but I know even should I find her, it will scare me to bring back so much of what I let go. There are people that shine so brightly, no matter how long I hide away, they are still the brightest memories I have. Never fading, never passing. My being aches to aspire to half of what they are, but my heart shies away from failure.

I never chose to explain, I didn't give anyone the chance. I came when called, I lost again one thousand fold and I cried until I crawled back away. In that I was wrong, sometimes to understand is a need in order to accept. Sometimes though, sharing something only doubles its burden.

It's so quiet. Not the silence of peace, but a silence to denote emptiness. Even when there is nothing to be heard, nothing to be lost, Im still fleeing. As curious as it is, in this place to write my thoughts, I feel like a fraud. So detatched am I from everything, what I feel or see or want when I return for my brief moments, that to write them seems folly. Alas, it probably is.

There is a peverse pleasure in releasing the tension and anxiety, worry and pain that months have stored. Some people run, some scream, fight, cry...each to his own. When we fill ouselves with emotions that cause only hurt, it builds and builds until eventually it bursts.

Sometimes, we need to let it all go, to realise it mean nothing at all to begin with.